Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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