In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize