george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
