Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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