Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
