You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My hand turned me down
You can't special order awesome
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
