To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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