I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize