Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
