naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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