GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
