Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
