this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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