While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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