just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
