I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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