who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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