i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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