We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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