The maid of honor just puked.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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