I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
