He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
