broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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