Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
