How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
