does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
