hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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