explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
