Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
