So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
