her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
