After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
