So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
