My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
