if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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