I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize