I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
