life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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