I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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