He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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