a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
