420 ftw
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize