I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
