We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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