i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize