Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
