you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
