Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
