You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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