I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
