thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
