Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
