i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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