Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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