but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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