On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
