guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
