She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
