Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
