my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
