I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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