Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize