Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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