Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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