I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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