Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
