and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
