Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
