Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
