She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
