Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize