Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Help me help you realize you are a moron
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
