so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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