dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
