you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
