I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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