i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
