i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize