Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
