Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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