We're like a lot better than the average bears
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
