Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
