so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
