Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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