i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She bit a glass in half.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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