I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
