why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
