wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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