your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
