My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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