all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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