Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
