coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
