would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
