...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
