Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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