everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
