but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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