alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
