I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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