I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
