Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
