I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
