It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
