yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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