I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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