Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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