I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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