So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
